This little article (no laughing now) could have been also titled “False Assumptions”. In a country where it’s assumed (even publicized with a certain pride, I don’t know why) that half of the people knows how to read, but prefer to gather around a TV watching soccer, soaps or reality-shows, instead of reading a book it would be a false assumption to presume that the size of this article is an issue (it could be 3 lines long with big ass letters and still no one would abandon the sofa). Soccer instead of a big, sporting event is a sea of corruption. Soaps are more of the same, the same stories over and over. And reality-shows are as real as a Martian shitting gold turds in the woods. Moving on.
We all have opinions, we all are able to think and contemplate. From the bottom of the human deepness of thought come assumptions, a pre-established idea about any subject, about anyone, about anything. It’s a gathering of experience and logic processed uniquely by each of us. One of the most frequent “nesting places” of false assumptions is the realm of interpersonal relationships and the closer they are, the more frequently they happen. E.g. Friendships:
In the friendships I form and celebrate (friends are the family we choose) I usually assume 3 things:
1. I can trust my friends and that they can trust me;
2. If something comes out that might stress that bond that my friends talk and discuss it with me about it and vice-versa;
3. In the eventuality that I may be amiss, mistaken and/or at fault that I’m given the benefit of the doubt and be allowed to speak about it even if not spoken to and never again from that point on;
There are more but they come with time. These however are basis for my bonds of friendship, and if a friendship ends without being scrutinized by these 3 assumptions I gather that no friendship ever existed and that instead something darker, gooey existed in its place. It’s very comforting as breaking bonds is always hard, painful and frustrating. I got 1001 character flaws and at least as many “personality quirks” that don’t go well with everyone. Being dishonest is not one of them. I’m a sincere and frontal person. Some people (even my closest friends) might say that I’m borderline insensitive and politically incorrect. In this case, losing a friend (or an entire family of them by that matter) might be a colorful, bright, happy event. I’m always more inclined to cold deductive logic, instead of hot, badly-aimed outbursts, although it has been known to happen once in a while (with people with shit for brains), when all reasoning fails. I’m a communicative person and when those kinds of bonds are broken, I come out stronger, even if, at first, I don’t realize it.
In love situations it’s exactly the same. When I fall in love (being an eternal believer in Love, it’s also frequent), I fall hard, head over heels. And if, as a young boy, I was always preoccupied about getting hurt, now that doesn’t happen. In our brain logic is the Empress, fortunately. Let me explain. If, in a friendship false assumptions happen, in a love relationship they happen in greater numbers and with infinitely deeper complexities. Over time I heard a multitude of people telling me their stories of failed relationships (and I still hear new ones everyday). People threw themselves at “the mercy of love” with “body and soul bared” and got hurt, scarred, broken. They say some of those wounds remain forever, poisoning future relations, even stopping them all together… what a big, stinking pile of bullshit! This is as absurd as believing in a god in the heavens and looking both ways before crossing a street! What happens is, in a relation between 2 persons (let’s assume that were not talking about an orgy or poli-amours), those same persons love differently, both in quantity and in quality. Yes, I know love can’t be quantified but if someone didn’t understand what I meant I’d appreciate it that they close this page and never return. Thanks. Moving on. Two persons might love one another and yet value different things and with different intensities. I will not debate values nor give examples here, if you know how to read, you know how to think. I take pride in having good relations with almost everyone of my ex-girlfriends despite all the supposed “wounds” that other people claim to be “eternal and unforgivable”. It’s not common for this to be so. Most of the time when two persons break up they are “hurt” and wish “never to see that person again” etc. Again, this is absurd. Unless people have blitzed trough friendship to get to love and passion, it’s nonsense, to break up as enemies or strangers. False assumptions also shine here. Most people assume “Love is forever”. Most people assume that love can exist without friendship. I say, love without friendship is like trying to take a dump without peeing. Ever tried it? They you know of what I speak of… You haven’t? Go and try doing it... I’ll wait… SYKES! False assumptions happen when a couple has no respect for the other person, a kind of respect only two friends have for one another. Respect like this comes to me naturally, it’s balance, it’s as elemental as Nature. All beasts have respect for one another and for their ecosystem, and it’s something so instinctive that it seems ludicrous to me, that we, the human race, the most evolved and intelligent species in the planet don’t have it. We have lost it, somewhere along the way. We judge others based on labels just as “wealth” or “success”, labels that have no meaning or value to me. False assumptions happen when, respect not being an issue, communication doesn’t exist. What kind of “life as one” can a couple have if they don’t debate, discuss, argue and even get aggravated to one another? The best lessons I learnt in my life came out of beautiful debates, heartened discussions, and several times, out of things said and heard in the heat of the moment. And for those of you that might be shocked about this, what the hell was an apology invented for if not to admit your own shortcomings? And forgiveness would have what purpose then? At the slightest glimpse of discord people should start beating the shit out of each other? Does that make sense? Open warfare because he didn’t lift the toilet seat or because she took two hours putting make-up and they were late? Is this logical? We argue, we discuss and try to find some common ground. Who knows, maybe the relationship comes out of it stronger. Ever thought of that? A discussion, as heated and as harsh as it might be, and despite the fact that some things might be spoken in anger and without real thought it’s no sign, whatsoever, that said respect does not exist. I argue a lot with everyone and anyone and I don’t respect them less for it. In a way I respect more, people that stand against me and make think and find a new point of view. I go from solemn respect to awe in 0 seconds flat, in a carefully-thought, well-placed argument.
I’ve been alone for the last three years and I might consider myself happy. In all my relationships I put my best effort and in none, I regret doing so. When the fruits of love have gone rotten I (almost) always ended with new, tasty fruits of friendship. If at any given moment the person I was with, didn’t put out their best effort, it does not concern me on any level. That would be the biggest false assumption of all! There’s no such thing as love without grief as there’s no such thing as pleasure without guilt. Love would have no meaning and pleasure would be no pleasure at all. To all of you whose “wounds” of love are eternal and overwhelming: BE BRAVE! No one likes a coward, and this is not a false assumption, it’s reality!